Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
