You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
