I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm too high and old for this...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
