He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
