i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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