i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everything about him screamed your future.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize