You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
