I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
