I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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