I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
