Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
