history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
