I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
