dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
