Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
