yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize