This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
