My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
