Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize