oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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