so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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