Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She's JV to your varsity
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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