Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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