At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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