The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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