I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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