She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
