I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am mentally ready for anal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
