he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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