I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
