Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
