Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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