my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
