i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize