I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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