Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
