That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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