i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will die if light touches me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
