yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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