D3 body, D1 cock
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
