took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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