I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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