Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize