Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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