oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
