I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Are we still banned from the library?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
