Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
