Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
