Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
