Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
