Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
