i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
