I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
