Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
