If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
