so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
