I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
