you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
