my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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