omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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