i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
