sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
