I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
