So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
