You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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