his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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