I accidentally had phone sex last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
