Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
