So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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