u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
